This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
