i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
