tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize