Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he thought i was a dude.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
