On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
