Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
