just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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