how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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