My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
