We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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