If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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