I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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