Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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