I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
