So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
