I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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