You smell like stripper and shame
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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