I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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