How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
