i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
