You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
