Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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