You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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