I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
