I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
