Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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