he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
