apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
