He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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