I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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