one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
