worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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