My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
