your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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