Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
