The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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