and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
