haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
