you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My vagina just clenched in fear
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
