I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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