That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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