did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
