seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
