it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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