Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
