Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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