yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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