my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
