Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize