Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize