i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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