so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
