It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
