I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
