how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
