Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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