that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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