are you still at the devil's house?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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