not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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