Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize