and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
