take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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