A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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