Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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