its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
