I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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