She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you had me at cake vodka
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
