I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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