You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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