Plan B is the new Plan A
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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