I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
