i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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