I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize