There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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