I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
