If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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