:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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