WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
