Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
