My hand turned me down
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she told me i tasted like america
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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