I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
