party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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