she woke up with a sticky ear
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
