i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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