If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
