I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
