Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My bed smells like the plague
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
