I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize