Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
