yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
