Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
