she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
