my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
