just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
