i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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