Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
