i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
