I seem to have left my pride at pride
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
