I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
